Well, my favorite part of having a blog is receiving the yearly stats. For not having posted in a while, I must say that I was delighted with the results. My blog was viewed 3,500 times, with 411 views in one day. Yow! I posted an average of two pictures a day and folks from 49 countries read what I had to say (Mere, little ole me? Awe shucks!). The United States was in the lead but Brazil and the UK weren’t far behind. Wow! Just, wow! Thank you all so much for keeping up with me. A special thanks goes out to Jess Bennett for being the most prolific commenter. I think she’s won three years in a row now. Girlfriend, I have to send you a prize when I get the chance.
From a more personal standpoint, I can say that 2014 was absolute hell for me and many people. I’m beyond relieved to see that it’s over. Back in October 2013, I suffered from a brain aneurism and lost the job I loved because of it. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it, without fail, it did. I struggled for several months to find any work, I finally found a fantastic job only to not be able to physically do it, I had to go on food stamps to feed myself, no one would hire me, I could barely pay rent, I was digging myself into major dept just to pay bills, a store owner literally stole thousands of dollars worth of my products, I was losing my friends to other relationships, I saw a young boy get run over on his bicycle and smeared across the pavement while the driver took off, I witnessed way too may acts of human cruelty…the world was a mess. I had no one and nothing and I was physically and mentally suffering.
Yup, 2014 was a year of being dragged over the hot coals of hellfire but in April things started to turn around when I gave up the apartment I loved (for the second time), swallowed the last shred of pride I had, and moved my sad ass back home. As soon as I threw in the towel, out of the blue, Shenandoah, a long-lost friend from high school, asked me to fill her new store up with products. I spent two blissful, stress-free months creating wonderful things for her and then it was off to Yellowstone for the most amazing field season ever! I slept with wolves, ran around with river otters, literally bumped into moose and was stalked by grizzlies. When I returned home, I enjoyed a few months off and fell into this Cornell job, which is an adventure in itself.
So when I look back to see how far I’ve come in a little over a year, I’m completely in shock. After 2013 and 2014, I never thought that I’d ever see a silver lining again. But all it took was that relatively simple act of swallowing my pride and giving in to where the current was wanting to wash me instead of continuing to struggle against it. Sometimes I’m way too stubborn for my own good.
Even now though, I’m still having a hard time trusting that I’m okay. It’s hard for me to be that smiling, care-free, happy girl I once was because I’ve been through so much. I find myself feeling very depressed, for no good reason, even when people are having fun around me. Honestly, I often feel dead inside…zombified. I know I’m safe and comfortable now and that I should be able to be happy but I’m still very much in that fight or flight mode. With each passing day, I come out of it a smidge more but finding joy again is clearly what I need to work on in 2015. Don’t cry for me Argentina, there’s hope for me yet!
How was your 2014? I’d be interested to hear your take on things.
Here’s an excerpt of my blog stats:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,500 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 58 trips to carry that many people.